Seeing estranged family at funeral mumsnet, Should they say goodbye? The fact that they'r...

Seeing estranged family at funeral mumsnet, Should they say goodbye? The fact that they're estranged often means we hear the news out of the blue, and this can … Nous voudrions effectuer une description ici mais le site que vous consultez ne nous en laisse pas la possibilité. It is my specific wish that (full name of parent), who I was estranged … Been divorced 19 years - my choice and I've remarried. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Learn how to manage complex emotions and decisions with … A very young family member has died and I want to go to her funeral. While you hope people will behave like grown ups with a bit of … I'm estranged from my family and I don't plan on going to any funerals when the time comes. I do … I went to a funeral today. My exDH turns up at family funerals and it's causing me increasing discomfort. However, if you feel close to the family or want to offer more support, going to the crematorium and wake could be … Nous voudrions effectuer une description ici mais le site que vous consultez ne nous en laisse pas la possibilité. You need to speak directly to your family … Funerals bring people together under the weight of grief, reflection, and final goodbyes. You get closure by making it with yourself. A funeral director isn't going to act as a bouncer at your funeral to keep this person out. I don't think you should pretend that you are not hurt by … I see it in my partners family there’s is far far worse! He’d become very frail and had been in hospital for a couple of weeks. You say you aren’t a close family and that you’ve had your differences so if they are having a small funeral then maybe they just want close family and … Entirely your choice but if you feel it would be difficult being around your wider (estranged ) family it might be better not to go and I think if it were me I wouldn’t. like way worse but they all split off and his dads brother wouldn’t even attend his dads funeral after all the problems of the past. I agree with your friends and would suggest you leave it at that. Did you reg... It's a … I assume child six was one of the ones she was estranged from? I was with them when they died and multiple t... I’ve name changed for this as it might be outing. And I really... Quite a few of my friends … My dh and his sister met with the funeral directors yesterday - she doesn't want anyone to attend other than family, so no friends etc, she doesn't want any eulogy, she didn't want to travel with … The funeral is a long way away, our DD is quite young and we both think she shouldn't go but a very good friend has offered to have her for the two days it will take to get to and go to the … My best friend has died and her funeral is later this week. I was wondering if anyone may have some advice about … I was thinking of send her a letter very close to the funeral date, advising her that my mum had sadly passed away, so I was writing as I felt she'd want to know. Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? May the family have been trying to avoid child 6 finding out and attending … BabstheBounder · 01/12/2024 11:04 One of my relatives died recently. And I really... I was overseas when he died.and felt a moment of confusion. Currently dealing … Now, the question is whether I should attend the funeral. I am estranged. I want to have closure, and I want to say goodbye. I don't regret seeing her the second time but I would not choose to … I think you are being unreasonable. Certainly not me either but I didn't expect that, … Sibling has asked me to go to hospital to see them on death bed. The catch- I've been estranged from my mother (by my choice, for reasons that I think are valid, but she … The day should be about them, not an estranged couple in the extended family. You sent a kind message, which is all that you really need to do. I've been thinking about this for a while. We then saw him a couple of days later in the chapel of rest and by then the lovely funeral directors had washed … Foxlover46 · 14/05/2024 21:53 Hey My mum died about 9 years ago now , we hadn't spoke for 7 years.i made the mistake of going to the hospital and seeing my estranged family , helping to clear her … You cannot stop anyone attending a funeral, but you can put in writing a letter to your Executors managing your Will and your funeral that you don’t wish ….. I don't miss those people [shudder!] but I do miss being part of a family. It's not like she can answer your questions! If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. It was still a small affair. Agree. An estranged family member's death can have a huge effect upon us. to attend. There may only be … Secondly, I'm really struggling with the thought of the funeral - I know I will be in pieces and to be honest I don't want them witnessing my grieving - it feels so intensely private to me. It's a couple of hours drive. DFIL died suddenly this week (though he had dementia for some time). You are only in touch with her because (unfortunately) your DC are in a relationship. Should they say goodbye? I had the funeral of my dad about a month ago, last saw him 1 1/2 years ago when I had cut contact with my narcissistic mother. However, you don't … For a distant acquaintance, attending just the service is often enough. Long story short, I basically don't maintain contact with my father or his side of family. My wish is that people who I had a close relationship with in life are able to attend if they wish and to celebrate my lift. At her funeral it was only dm and her db, my db and I and our respective partners but her old neighbours and two of the estranged sisters turned up. Nous voudrions effectuer une description ici mais le site que vous consultez ne nous en laisse pas la possibilité. Now this xmas, i really wanted to make up for us having a rubbish xmas last … The funeral is next week and I'm struggling with the thought of all the ceremony around it - the coffin being walked in, everyone looking at us, hearing people's kind words about him. We are never going to be warm, close family, but if I go to the funeral then I think there is a chance of reconciling with some younger family members who are less critical and more tolerant than … One of the saddest things l experienced when my dm was dying was seeing her saying goodbye to her closest sister. Why would your estranged family think you would want to go anywhere near her grave? They prearranged their funeral and informed the funeral director that the cremation was to be immediate family only (as in spouse, … I have to take (yes "Have to" no arguments) our children to their Grandma's funeral. I … Retrorose · 03/01/2025 20:57 What impact would going NC have on others in your family, beyond your DM? And presumably for a very long time? I don't agree with the 'when … Don't go the funeral - you didn't know her mother and you are not friends with Macy. … The funeral of a very close family member is happening next week, after a drawn-out illness and decline. Good morning. My dilemma is, should I go to … Key points The complexity of grief is difficult to describe or understand, especially when it's a family member one has been estranged from. Originally, I thought I definitely wouldn't, but it seems the rest of the family will. It was heartbreaking but beautiful as there was so much love there. I offered condolences and sent messages to the person's grown up children (my estranged cousins) to offer condolences. I feel I need to go to pay my respects, but there are going … I don't attend any family events, including funerals. I've just been to my mother in laws funeral and my husband wasn't mentioned in the eulogy, and wasn't in any of the photos on display. He … I’m an adult child estranged from my siblings and I’m interested to hear how other parents manage family occasions etc when two siblings/close family... We haven't spoken in ten years. So no your mother's funeral is not the place to introduce him to the wider family but as a family your … Say that in future the family are making the funeral directors aware that there is an unwelcome intruder there, and that if he continues to turn up, he will be placed by the funeral … I'm ashamed to say I didn't miss them, didn't need them for anything and found it much easier to get on with living a happier life without the strain of trying to get along simply … Just to clarify, who exactly is pressuring your DH to attend the funeral? Attend the funeral? The … So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps addressed to a funeral director, how would I word that I don't want that person to attend under any … FYI - estranged sister sent a text to mum hoping she felt better which was more than a lot of folks in my family did. Those who didn’t visit estranged parents before their death… How did you feel confident in your decision? If you have become estranged, you may have to move to a new and unfamiliar area which can to feelings … If the family requested embalming quite quickly then the body should still be in a good condition. Yes, there's a high chance I might predecease both parents. I have refused and it's caused a huge argument and sibling says they will never speak to me again. It is my specific wish that (full name of parent), who I was estranged from in life, is not invited to the funeral, wake, or any other celebration of my life. This is a thread for anyone who is finding Christmas tough this year because of being ‘no contact’ with family, or who just wants to pop in and say hello to people in the … Having said that, funeral directors in my personal experience are understanding and adept at handling all sorts of family circumstances and will have come across this sort of thing before. Some estranged family members that I've been NC with for around 6 years will be there, and this'll be the first time I see them again. I’m in turmoil. So accompanying them might be fine, seeing as we all view him … My elderly dad passed away yesterday at home with family & carers looking after him. But I... Attend the funeral? Nevertheless, don't assume that after 12 days it will be decomposed. My Cousin died this … On the other hand, I have never been to a funeral, despite being in my 30s, as I hate them, feel very blue and down with all the infectious emotions around death, have cried about … My mam passed away recently and my sister and I were the only ones to arrange all her wake ( InIreland) and her funeral. Any tips if you have had to do this woul... I am estranged. Will I regret it if I DO see her. If it is estranged family members, you simply ignore their communication. He was an alcoholic and a depressive and died of emphysema. Nous voudrions effectuer une description ici mais le site que vous consultez ne nous en laisse pas la possibilité. My mum has just died. He was there a... Did you have any regrets about not seeing them after they’d passed? DC are 3, 5 and 7. However, family are surprised about my decision and I’m now starting to question myself. Saturdayssandwichsociety · 01/12/2024 10:53 sarah010179 · 01/12/2024 09:39 Thanks for the replies so far, greatly appreciated x So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral … Been divorced 19 years - my choice and I've remarried. They're not my favourite sources of past-times, and I've always avoided as many of them as I could, but as I hurtle … Owl55 · 02/12/2024 18:36 I don’t know how any funeral director would be able to stop someone attending a funeral despite your wishes , they are not security guards or want an argument before a … Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You can still remember the … Discover proper funeral etiquette for handling the death of estranged family members. Learn how to manage complex emotions and decisions with … The funeral is a bigger, harder question, I really don't know how I'm going to feel at the time. Youngest is 4 years old. Send flowers? The lockdown situation seems to be allowing funerals to go ahead but still some confusion... My exDH turns up at family funerals and it's causing me increasing discomfort. My sister and I have … When a death occurs and the family is not intact, knowing how to reach out and deciding whether or not to attend the funeral or memorial service can … As someone whose estranged parent just died last week, I advise that if your gut says don’t visit or call, don’t do it. As a therapist once pointed out to me, your family members already talk behind your back, so what difference will it make if they complain about you … Family crapped all over what she wanted and did what they wanted, including telling her estranged daughter she was dying- something she didn’t want, and someone she wouldn’t have … I've been thinking about this for a while. Going to the funeral … I know that I'm not obliged to see them, even on the cusp of death, but it sounds like the surviving parent will not be competent to organise the funeral, sell the house - or possibly even shop … The logistics of the funeral plan can have an influence on whether or not you go. I have closure enough in my mind that they are not the family for me and that's that. Send flowers? Estrangement can trigger a grieving process for all that has been lost, such as close family ties. Numbers are limited at funerals so if you haven't spoken to that side of the family they may have already 'filled' that number. I've just found out my estranged brother has a te... Mum's death and the funeral will only be one tiny part of what will need sorting- there will be all the handling of the estate and clearing and selling the family home etc. Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. I have to attend the funeral of someone I was quite close to on Friday. My only issue is there is no saying whether these estranged relatives would turn up and seeing them and my children realising they exist would cause a whole load of problems and raise … I found out today that my dad died on Friday. Will I regret NOT seeing her? My estranged parent called me in tears to say their sibling had died. I reached out to my biofather’s … It seems bizarre, when the news reports that so many children have been killed or seriously harmed by their parents, that some people just can't grasp that not every family is … Nous voudrions effectuer une description ici mais le site que vous consultez ne nous en laisse pas la possibilité. I know I … He's the family's dirty secret, your brother but only when you fancy it. He and my brother and his gf chose … Discover proper funeral etiquette for handling the death of estranged family members. If it is other family … He is an ex partner who treated you badly. Going to the funeral of someone you don’t know to support another lone mourner or support the immediate family is a nice thing to do. He was there a... My half sister has managed to track me down … It was terribly sad seeing him like that, but it didn't seem like him any more. But for many, they also come with another layer of emotional complexity: the presence of estranged … It my biological father’s funeral and I haven’t seen his side of the family for 10 years. I don't miss those people [shudder!] but I do miss being part of a family. You … Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and before you know it, almost a decade has passed and then along comes the news – … My estranged father died many years after I saw him- we had no relationship at all and I barely thought of him. We went to a funeral which some relatives we’re NC were at and there was a bust up in the car park before it even started. They were close and we saw him and MIL at least once a month, outside … The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. I soon began thinking I perhaps shouldn't have. Possibly relief that she is gone and I can rebuild relationships with extended family without … My grandmother is likely in her last days, so I'm expecting to attend her funeral soon. I only ask because a sibling has estranged herself from my parents and the result … Today, I received a call that my grandfather died and they want to me to come to the funeral. My DM has never … Long timer here, been around for about 16 years on and off but would prefer not to be recognised. I’m feeling anxious about seeing this person again and this is only the second funeral I have attended, the first of a close relative. Buy yourself a nice bottle of wine and drink a toast to her - or donate the money to a charity she’d have … Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour. How did … The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. If you’re not comfortable asking the family member in charge of … My DM passed away just before Christmas and I saw her immediately after (an hour or so) and again in the funeral home. Nous voudrions effectuer une description ici mais le site que vous consultez ne nous en laisse pas la possibilité. Our family were amazing, they... I don't know if this is the right place to post, but I'm going to a funeral tomorrow, the first I've been to in ages, and I was looking for any tips on what is helpful - or not.

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